Friendship dating intimacy
Instead of sharing nude pics, we share goals, dreams and struggles.
How to Date Again After the Last Guy Broke Your Heart In this intimate middle space we have begun to choose each other.
To attract a potential partner, or pursue one, or hold onto one, you have to play games. Now you remember that dating is really a primordial quest for the magic of intimacy. For some mysterious reason, it will be the only date you’ll ever have. If you can find out what the secret is, it will change you forever.
If you’ve been dating to get a partner, you’ve been lying. When you got fooled into believing that the purpose of dating was to land a partner, you learned to date by a set of implicit rules. Maybe it’s in the way they inhabit their body, or in how they look at you.
I feel like no matter where this middle space leads us, we’re building the foundation for something great that in the end will not only make us better partners, but better people as well.
This path also comes with never ending smiles, laughs and the pleasure of getting to know someone that has truly been an unexpected, but welcome addition to my world. I don’t care how good you are, how honest, or how noble. The real problem is that you’re postponing, sacrificing the date that’s happening now on the altar of potential future partnership. Everything frustrating, discouraging, and disappointing about dating comes from this future-orientation. You don’t need to organize your dates around a possible future. As a result, they can feel what’s beautiful about you. Creating intimacy is a skill you can get better and better at. Something about the way they move through the world, or something they can see that you can’t. And you’re never going to squeeze magic out of a checklist. You’re really dating for the magic, but you’ve learned to play games to get yourself a partner, and every bit of game playing shuts the magic tap off a little tighter. You start off by letting yourself be taken by their unique beauty. In turn, you do your best to let the other person see you. You didn’t postpone anything in service of some potential future. Deep Dating is the art of creating intimacy right now, today, on this date.No anniversaries to remember, no funny stories of how I played hard to get, we were just together until we weren’t.So it was for many years: wash, rinse, repeat, without me even truly recognizing that I was in this never ending cycle.
Long hugs and sweet kisses, hand holding and couch cuddles, and of course the thumb wrestling.